<急!!!>英文自我介紹求糾正,請糾正文法或單字的不恰當,是要進行口說的? - 運動

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大家午安,我是Jane,畢業於XX國中。個性活潑,有主見且有些自負。興趣是看小說,打籃球及撞球。其他運動會一點可是不強。你也可以在英雄聯盟裡的召喚峽谷看到我。想加入模聯的理由是平時就對國際事物很有自己的看法,苦於找不到人分享,現在有機會當然要好好把握。
Good afternoon everyone.My name is Jane,and graduated in XX junior high school.Personality is lively,assertive and somewhat conceited.Interest is reading novels and playing basketball and billiards.Other sports can play a little,but not strong.You can also see me in LOL s the summoner s rift.Reason want to join the MUN is usually linked to international affairs have own opinions,but couldn t find someone to share.Now have this opportunity of course to take advantage of.
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All Comments

Robert avatarRobert2015-09-21
Attention, Comrades! I am Jane, also a new graduate from OO JHS.
My personality is out-going, active, assertive, and somewhat opinionated.
Hobbies of mine are reading, basketball, and pool. Other sports are mediocre.
I am a frequent visitor of the Summoners' Rift in LOL. Come and visit me there so that I can kill you a few times.
Many reasons I have for joining MUN. The most important one among them - I am so super eager to share with you my observations on international affairs, the issues I identified, as well as solutions I think might work. Now I am here to take advantage of this opportunity to be part of the team.
Now, carry on, ladies.
Reader's notes:
1. 日語與中語 都有省略主詞"我"的習慣, but not in English.
2. My name is OO, and graduated ... 你的名子怎會畢業於XX國中?
3. conceited 太負面了.opinionated 溫柔一點吧?
Others,
4. MUN has a lot to offer. I personally learned a lot from it and made a lot of friends there. However, it requires too much travel and may hinder your other study.
Edith avatarEdith2015-09-21
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