Doug Mirabelli 的一天 - 美國職棒

Doug Mirabelli's day (Doug Mirabelli的一天)
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˙9:00 shakes off the cobwebs and gets out of bed
9:00 抖掉身上的蜘蛛網後起床

˙9:01 lets out blistering fart and takes 90 second piss on his hands farts 5
more times
9:01 放了個響屁然後撒了泡90秒的尿

˙9:03 drinks 3 raw eggs Rocky Balboa style and opens the fridge
9:03 學洛基吞三顆生雞蛋，然後打開冰箱

˙9:05 take out leftovers from the Kowloon pupu platter for 3 he
picked up last night
9:05 拿出昨晚吃剩的寶寶盤 (pupu platter)

˙9:15 grunts at his wife and gives hid kids 20 bucks each to leave him alone
9:15 對著老婆碎啐唸，給小孩每人20元讓他們不要來魯洨

˙9:17 takes a dump
9:17 撇大條

˙9:22 sings Van Halen in the shower
9:22 邊洗澡邊唱Van Halen的歌

˙9:25 shaves and leaves his goatee
9:25 刮鬍子，留下那撮山羊鬚

˙9:30 takes 35 vicious cuts with his bat naked in front of the mirror,
screams out loud "Dougie is going deep tonight"
9:30 拿著球棒全裸站在鏡子前，大吼"Dougie is going deep tonight!"

˙9:45 puts on his cowboy boots and tight jeans and tank-top and gets
ready to leave
9:45 穿上牛仔靴，緊身牛仔褲還有小背心準備出門

˙9:50 grunts at his wife and kids and tells them he'll see them tomorrow
9:50 再次對著老婆和小孩碎碎唸，然後跟他們說明天見

˙9:57 pulls onto Rt-1 with Led Zeppelin blaring, cuts three people off, gives
the finger to all three people
9:57 邊開車邊聽Led Zeppelin鬼叫，途中攔下三人對他們比中指

˙10:15 pulls into Fenway park, tells clubhouse parking attendant to make sure
he blocks Nomar in
10:15 開進Fenway park，要停車場管理員確定他的車可以擋住Nomar的車

˙10:16 puts the kid in a headlock and threatens the kid and his families' life
if there is one scratch on his truck
10:16 尻住小孩子的頭，並恐嚇他和他的家人，不能刮到他的車

˙10:22 walks into clubhouse and calls Nomar a homo for the first time today
and 350th time this month, asks Nomar if he misses his boyfriend
Lou Merloni
10:22 走進clubhouse然後罵Nomar死gay，是今天的第一次和這個月的第350次，
問Nomar想不想男友Lou Merloni

˙10:27 takes a shit, leaves door open and yells at anyone who walks by
10:27 撇大條不關門，對每個走過的人哭爸哭母

˙10:30 gives Nomar a dead leg and calls him a homo
10:30 罵Nomar死gay

˙10:33 stuffs Derek Lowe in a locker and pisses on him
10:33 把Derek Lowe塞進衣物櫃然後在他身上尿尿

˙10:37 goes through a 10 minute hand shake with his boy Tim Wakefield
10:37 跟老魏握手10分鐘

˙10:45 takes Pokey's headphones off and steps on them, says until he is
hitting .250, no music
10:45 把Pokey Resee的耳機拿走，跟他說打擊率超過2成五以前不准聽音樂

˙10:50 Francona walks by and Dougie cuts him off and says
"Is Dougie DHing the first game "
10:50 把粉柯南攔住 "今天第一場比賽讓我打DH，客以嗎？"

˙10:51 Francona runs and hides behind Schilling
10:51 粉柯南跑走躲到Schilling背後

˙10:55 Dougie tells Trot if he played 162 Games his numbers would look like
this: 375 72 Hr's 52 Doubles 9 Singles 6 Walks 220 K'S
10:55 告訴Trot如果讓他打滿整季，他可以繳出.375, 72 Hr's, 52 Doubles,
9 Singles 6 Walks 220 K'S這樣的成績

˙11:17 writes back response to fan's Letter "Hey Pussy, I don't wear batting
gloves because they are for pussies like your boyfriend Nomar "
11:17 回信給球迷 " 嗨婊子! 我不戴打擊手套因為那是給Nomar那款死娘炮用的 "

˙11:30 Walks out to batting practice with a tank-top on
11:30 穿著小背心去打擊練習

˙11:45 after no stretching steps into the cage, ignores the 5 bunts standard
procedure
11:45 不做暖身運動直接走進打擊區，跳過應該要做的觸擊練習

˙11:47 takes 25 cuts, hits 17 over the monster and misses the other 8
11:47 打了25球，17球飛過綠色怪物，剩下8球揮棒落空

˙11:48 calls the batting practice pitcher a homo and tells him to go bang
Nomar for mixing in a curveball after Dougie hit one onto the pike
11:48 罵餵球教練死gay,告訴餵球教練等他把球打到路上後，記得等一下
摻幾顆曲球給Nomar打

˙11:55 Tackles Nomar and gives him wedgie, calls him a pickle smoker
11:55 把Nomar壓倒，再把他內褲拉到套在頭上罵他死gay

˙12:00 Dougie's daily order of Double Chicken Parm from Joe Tecci's arrives
12:00 每天必吃的午餐"雙層巴馬乾酪烤雞"送來了

˙12:07 Dougie finishes Chicken Parm and pours the rest of his sauce into
Nomar's locker
12:07 吃飽後把剩下的醬倒到Nomar的衣物櫃

˙12:15 Tito posts lineup, Dougie sees he is not the DH, Calls Francona a
p*ssy. Francona runs behind Schilling
12:15 公佈先發名單，發現自己不是DH以後罵粉柯南婊子，粉柯南躲到Schilling背後

˙12:25 Dougie gets naked and takes 25 swings in front of the clubhouse mirror,
announcing "Dougie is going deep tonight "
12:25 全裸站在休息室鏡子前練習25下揮棒，大吼" Dougie is going deep tonight! "

˙12:45 Takes a shit, uses Nomar's 350 dollar silk shirt to wipe his ass
12:45 再撇一次大條，用Nomar350元的絲綢內衣擦屁屁

˙1:05 game starts, Dougie tells Francona he is not going to the bullpen to
warm up pitchers. Francona hides behind Schilling
1:05 比賽開始！跟粉柯南抱怨不想去牛棚陪投手熱身，粉柯南躲到Schilling背後

˙1:25 Dougie announces he is ready to pinch hit in the bottom of the first for
Nomar
1:25 Dougie說他已經準備好一局下的時候代打Nomar

˙1:45 Abe Alvarez comes in, Dougie tells him he sucks and will back at
Trenton (minor league) by 7 tonight
1:45 看到Abe Alvarez走過，跑去跟他說he sucks，還有今晚七點他就會被送回去
Trenton(小聯盟)了

˙1:55 Dougies 4 fenway frank arrive, pays with Nomar's credit card
1:55 四客fenway frank送來了，用Nomar的信用卡付帳

˙2:15 finishes shopping with Nomar's credit card, maxed it out at Auto Zone
2:15 在Auto Zone用Nomar的信用卡買東西

˙2:30 dozes off
2:30 睡一覺先

˙3:30 sees they are losing and goes back to the dugout and tells whole team
they suck except for him and Wakefield
3:30 醒來發現紅襪落後，跑到休息室幹譙，"全隊除了我和老魏以外，通通都是廢物！"

˙3:33 announces himself ready to pinch hit
3:33 準備好要代打

˙4:30 sox lose game, Dougie tells Francona he should have DH'ed him, Francona
runs away
4:30 紅襪輸了，跟粉柯南嘴砲應該要排他DH的... 粉柯南落荒而逃

˙5:00 Dougie tells Nomar singles are for pussies
5:00 告訴Nomar只有娘們才打一壘安打

˙5:30 Dougie takes Batting Practice again, refuses to bunt
5:30 再去一次打擊練習，拒絕練觸擊

˙5:33 Dougie hit 22 pitches over the wall 11 fair, 11 foul, all pulled, he
missed 15 pitches
5:33 把22球轟到牆外，11球界內11球界外，全是用拉的，其他15球揮棒落空

˙6:00 Dougie see’s name in lineup, calls Fancona a pussy for batting him 8th.
Francona hides behind Schilling
6:00 晚上的先發名單出來了，不爽被排在八棒幹譙粉柯南臭婊子，粉柯南躲到
Schilling 背後

˙6:05 Dougie demands to bat cleanup
6:05 強烈要求想打第四棒

˙6:25 announces that Dougie is going deep tonight
6:25 大吼"Dougie is going deep tonight！"

˙6:30 dinner arrives, 2 steaks from the Capital Grille. Dougie pours steak
juice into Nomar's locker, makes Derek Lowe eat the fat
6:30 晚餐的兩塊牛排牛排送來了，把牛排醬倒進Nomar的衣物櫃，叫Lowe吃剩下的肥油

˙6:35 Dougie gives D Lowe an atomic wedgie
6:35 把D Lowe的內褲拉起來套在頭上

˙7:00 tells Wakefield the show some balls tonight and don't throw anything in
the dirt
7:00 叫老蝴蝶今晚投些壞球但不要暴投

˙7:10 scoreless first. Dougie tells Francona it must be the catching
7:10 第一局沒失分，跟粉柯南炫耀是捕手的功勞

˙7:25 Dougie tells fans in on deck circle he is going deep
7:25 在打擊準備區跟球迷喇賽說他會尻一支大的

˙7:27 Dougie screams at pitcher, tells him he is a pussy and he is taking him
deep
7:27 罵投手婊子

˙7:30 Dougie hits bomb off the wall, coasts into second.
Almost gets thrown out
7:30 幹了一發打中綠色怪物，滑進二壘的時候差點被觸殺

˙7:31 Tells pitcher his fastball sucks. Tells shortstop and second baseman
that he didn't get all of it
7:31 對投手說他的快速球實在有夠鳥，對游擊手和二壘手說你們接不到

˙8:15 Dougie ropes a rocket to third, third baseman takes all day and still
turns a double play on Dougie
8:15 打了三壘方向的強襲球，雙殺打。

˙8:16 fans boo Dougie
8:16 被球迷噓

˙8:17 Dougie tells family of 4 to @#%$ off and steals some kids hot dog on way
to dugout
8:17 回罵球迷F*** off，回休息區的路上偷了幾個小孩的熱狗

˙8:18 Dougie is tired and is happy he hit into a double play, he did not want
to run the bases anymore
8:18 因為很累不想跑壘，所以打了雙殺打覺得很爽

˙9:10 Dougie strikes out on inside pitch after crushing 4 foul home runs.
Calls pitcher/catcher/ump all pussies
9:10 連續打了四支界外全壘打以後被一顆內角球三振，罵投手/捕手/裁判 婊子

˙9:30 9th inning. Dougie is exhausted. Walks out to the mound and calls Embree
a pussy and tells him to just bring the heat. Dougie wants to get home
9:30 第九局，已經全身無力，走上投手丘告訴Embree這個婊子，投快速球就對了，
想趕快回家了

˙9:50 Dougie showers and walks around the clubhouse naked. Tells the Globe's
Dan Shaugnessy and Gordon Edes to blow him
9:50 洗完澡在休息室遛鳥，叫Globe的記者Dan Shaugnessy和Gordon Edes幫他吹

˙9:55 Dougie shaves and leaves a goatee
9:55 刮鬍子，留下那撮山羊鬚

˙10:00 Knocks Nomar off his exercise bike. Calls him a homo singles hitter and
leaves clubhouse
10:00 把Nomar從健身腳踏車上推下來，罵他是個只會打一壘安打的死gay，
然後離開球場
˙10:10 cuts off 4 redsox fans. Gives the bird to everyone near him
10:10 攔下四個紅襪迷，給他們Cocaine(bird？)

˙10:25 arrives at Kowloon Chinese Restaurant on Rt 1
10:25 到 Rt 1上的一家中國餐廳

˙10:45 sits down at bar and digs into his pupu platter for 3
10:45 坐在吧檯吃了三盤寶寶盤

˙12:00 stumbles home and parks truck on the front lawn, goes for a dip in
his above ground pool
12:00 搖搖晃晃的回到家，把卡車停在家門前的草地上，順便在門前的小游泳池
(Above Ground Pool)裡泡個澡

˙12:10 leaves tighty whitey's on his neighbor's windshield
12:10 把內褲晾在鄰居車子的擋風玻璃上

˙12:15 walks into house naked and screams "who saw my bomb I hit tonight???"
12:15 光著身體走進門大吼，"有沒有看到我晚上那發大支的啊？"

˙12:30 wakes up whole neighborhood
12:30 附近鄰居全被吵醒

˙12:45 takes 35 swings naked and orders porn
12:45 裸體揮棒35次，然後點A片來看

˙12:55 pulls out bucket of KFC and gets ready for movie
12:55 拿出一桶肯德基外帶全家餐準備邊吃邊看A片

˙1:15 Dougie passes out on couch
1:15 在沙發上睡死了

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原文的連結已經不見了，剛好之前有備份到，所以順便把它貼出來，
然後補上之前Bigbra板主遺漏的是有翻錯的。

感謝原翻譯BIGBRA！

--
Turkish: Fuck me, hold tight. What's that?
Tommy : It's me belt, Turkish.
Turkish: No, Tommy. There's a gun in your trousers. What's a gun doing in
your trousers?
Tommy : It's for protection.
Turkish: Protection from what? "Zee Germans"?

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