Caron Butler:獨自一人(上) - NBA

Solitary OCT 5 2015

CARON BUTLER
SG / DETROIT PISTONS

http://goo.gl/xH7lIW

Spending time alone can be both therapeutic and traumatic. But it all depends
on context. For example, going for a drive at the end of a long day can be a
great way to clear your head. Spending time in solitary confinement as a
teenager? Not so much.
However, for me, the latter likely ended up saving my life. Fighting with a
fellow inmate, who was also a member of a rival gang in my neighborhood in
Racine, Wisconsin, led to me spending 23 hours a day, for two weeks, in a
10-by-12-foot cell.
My life up until that point seemed destined for failure. All the male role
models in my family went through the penal system, incarcerated for drugs,
guns or gang-related charges. They were all locked up at some point during my
early years. I often wondered if everyone from my inner-circle would be
killed in the streets or die in prison.

獨處可以療癒一個人，也可以傷害一個人，這全部取決於當時的背景。例如在漫長的一
天結束之後出去兜兜風是讓腦袋清醒的好方法，在青少年時期就被單獨監禁?那可就不是
這麼一回事了。
然而對我來說，後者可能拯救了我的人生。跟一個同住的傢伙打架，那傢伙是在附近地區
敵對的幫派分子，讓我每天23小時，連續兩個禮拜都被關在一個約10平方英尺的小房間。
我的人生在那個當下似乎註定失敗，在我的家族中，所有男性榜樣幾乎都入監服刑過，可
能是因為毒品、槍枝，或是一些幫派指控，他們都在我小時候的某個時間點進了監獄。
我常常在想，是否我身邊的每個人有天都會在街上被殺，或是死在監獄裡。

Fear, and the belief that I couldn’t change my ill-fated destiny, led me
down the same path. By the time I was 11 years old, I was already selling
cocaine on the south side of Racine. I had been arrested over a dozen times
by the time I went to high school, but things came to a head when I was 15. I
came to Racine Park high school with a .32-caliber pistol and let an older
friend of mine use my locker to stash cocaine. Members of the Bureau of
Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives found both the gun and cocaine in
my locker. As I said, the gun was mine but the cocaine was not. However, the
code of the streets led me to keep quiet and accept that charge as well.
I was taken to Racine Correctional Institution — an adult facility — where
I served two months of my 18-month sentence before being transferred to the
Ethan Allen School for Boys. Don’t let the name fool you; this“school”was
home to criminals who had committed robbery, rape and murder.

恐懼，並且深信我無法改變註定失敗的命運，帶著我走上了同一條路。在我11歲的時候，
我已經在雷辛的南邊賣古柯鹼，在我上高中時我已經被警方逮捕超過12次，在我15歲的時
候事情發展到了一個嚴重的地步，我帶著一把32口徑的手槍來到雷辛公園高中，並且讓一
個年紀比我大的朋友將古柯鹼藏在我的置物櫃中。ATF(美國聯邦執法機關)的人在我的置
物櫃發現了槍和古柯鹼，如同我先前說的，槍是我的但古柯鹼並不是。然而，街頭的潛規
則讓我選擇閉嘴並接受這些指控。
我被帶去雷辛矯正機構，在18個月的刑期之中，我在那待了兩個月。之後我被轉送往伊森
艾倫男校，別被這名字給騙了，這所"學校"專門收容搶匪、強暴犯和殺人犯。

At just 15, I was a convict, facing more than a year behind bars, and I was a
father-to-be. At an age where most teenagers’ biggest dilemma is who to ask
to the next school dance, I was facing extreme life-altering situations.
Throughout all of this, my mother, Mattie Paden, was there for me. When I was
arrested, she followed the police car in her blue Mercury station wagon. She
even spent that night in her car in the parking lot because she didn’t want
me to feel alone.
My mother worked two jobs and sacrificed so much for us to get by. Back then
she wasn’t able to reap the benefits of her hard work. Coming home to
eviction notices and violence in the neighborhood were not rare occurrences.
Sometimes things seemed like they would never get better for us, but my mom
always believed that we could make it through anything. More importantly, she
believed in me. Even after I was sent away to Ethan Allen and she was still
working two jobs, she’d make that long drive to see me for visiting hours,
then she’d drive home with barely enough time for a nap before going to work
again. My mother is the strongest woman I know. Without her love and support,
I am not sure where I would be today.

才15歲，我已經是個罪犯，得面對超過一年的牢獄，同時還是個準爸爸。在這個多數青少
年最大的煩惱都是該邀誰去校園舞會的年紀，我正在面對相當關鍵的人生轉捩點。
而我媽總是在那陪我經歷這一切。在我被逮捕時，她開著藍色小貨車跟在警車後頭，因為
不想讓我覺得孤單，她甚至在停車場待了一整夜。
我媽為我們犧牲了很多，兼了兩份工作，而在當時她卻無法享受辛苦工作的回報。
收到驅逐警告與暴力事件在我們這裡不是什麼新鮮事，有時候事情就好像永遠也不會有所
改善，但我媽總是相信我們能夠撐過這一切。更重要的是，她相信我。即使在我被送去伊
森艾倫男校之後，她還是做著兩份工作。在開放探視時，她會開很久的車來看我，然後犧
牲她在工作前的休息時間開車回家。我媽是我所知道最堅強的女人，如果沒有她的愛與支
持，我不知道我今天會在哪裡。

During the two weeks that I was in solitary confinement, I reflected on the
sacrifices my mother made and knew that I had to become a better man. I
wanted to make her proud. I wanted her to be able to say, “That’s my son,”
with a smile on her face rather than tears streaming down her cheeks. I
spent many hours alone, writing her letters about my desire to make necessary
changes in my life.
Some people might argue that jail turns people into better criminals. You can
learn schemes and tricks on how to beat the system from fellow inmates.
However, my experience was different. Being away from my family and losing my
freedom influenced me to be a better human being. Without that time of
desperation, I never really could’ve made the change that would save my
life. It led to me becoming closer with God.
Sitting in that yellow brick cell, I would think about the cycle — how
people get out of prison, only to return again. I knew relatives and friends
that had spent their whole lives in that cycle. I didn’t want to fall into
that. I wanted to get out and stay out.

在我被單獨監禁的那兩個禮拜，我開始思考我媽所做的犧牲，並且了解到我必須成為一個
更好的人。我想讓她感到驕傲，我想讓她有一天能笑著對別人說"那是我兒子!"而不是流著
眼淚說這句話。
我花了很多時間獨處，給我媽寫信並告訴她我想為自己的人生做出一些必要的改變。
有些人可能會說監獄讓人變成更壞的罪犯，你會從監獄裡那些傢伙身上學到破壞體制的壞
伎倆，然而我的經驗卻有所不同，被迫遠離家人和失去自由影響了我，讓我成為一個更好
的人，沒有那段讓人絕望的日子，我永遠無法真正做出改變拯救我的人生，這讓我和神的
關係更親近。
坐在那黃色的小牢房裡，我會思考一個循環，那些人們是如何離開監獄又再度回來，我知
道我的親戚朋友們花了大半輩子在這個惡性循環裡，我不想陷入這個循環，我想遠離這個
循環。

They say if you continue to do the same thing over and over, expecting a
different result, it’s a sign of insanity. I didn’t want that.
While I was coming to this moment of clarity and making mental strides to
begin going down the right path, my mom was once again doing everything she
could to help me make that change. She moved from the chaotic south side of
Racine to a more stable neighborhood in midtown.
This was crucial to my transition because, after serving nine months, I didn’
t go back to the same community that I was in before. I was no longer
surrounded by the criminal lifestyle. I began taking action to become a
better man. I connected with my daughter, Camary, who was born just one month
after I was incarcerated. I also immediately got a job at Burger King.

他們說如果你不斷的做著同一件事情，卻期待一個不同的結果，那你一定是瘋了。我不想
這樣，當我來到這個清醒的時刻，在心態上有所長進並開始回歸正途時，我媽又再一次為
了幫助我做出改變而付出一切，她從較混亂的雷辛南邊搬家到鄰近地區較穩定的市中心。
這對我的轉變很關鍵，因為在服刑九個月之後，我不會再回到我過去待的社區，再也不會
被那些罪惡的生活方式圍繞。我開始為成為一個更好的人付出行動，我和我的女兒Camary
有了連結，她在我入獄一個月後出生，此外我也很快地在漢堡王找了份工作。

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